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This is a testimony I did not share in church
At Fast & Testimony meeting 4 for the first 5 people to bear their testimonies were people of diminished mental or physical capacity. The 5th was a child. Unless we become as little children we cannot enter the kingdom of heaven.
The back row held several widows sitting together with their various shades of silver crowning their heads – lost to the attentions of so many; neglected and not really understood. They are Great Priestesses who have forgotten more about love and service than most of us have ever known, who get fewer visits from their descendants than they yearn for. The leftover wives and mothers who have watched the lonely ticks of the clock go by for years - to the months, weeks or hours we younger folk have suffered from the folly of divorce or the simple pains brought upon ourselves for selfish living. Scattered among the congregation are many very fat mothers who struggle to raise their children alone – victims of neglect & abuse – alone and knowing that no knight will ride up to rescue them. Prayer and late night snack foods their only solace. Poverty & heavy responsibility a constant mantle upon their plump shoulders. Passion, love and an impossible burning desire for even a little righteous companionship - a hidden fire within, tears upon pillows at night and mountains of dirty dishes & laundry in the morning. A few old men who have lost their angels, sitting alone & feeling the same measure of loss as the widows, but living the more solitary lives of males, lacking the sense of fellowship women enjoy all their lives. War heroes, city builders, dusty patriarchs with macaroni & cheese for dinner – frustration in their loins. Memories and photographs stacked on chairs nobody ever sits in. Young Elders who talk of jobs and sports and pat themselves on their backs for their 40 hours a week they spend away from families they do not know… to provide for them money – as if that were all there was to do. Husbands barking at wives & children, mothers barking at children & walking on eggshells – waiting - to cherish moments (becoming rarer and rarer) when the men they love briefly treat them like when they were courting. Children buffeted with love, anger, neglect, TV, and rapid growth into a lone & dreary world. Toys, friends, lima beans, a zillion things to learn, & bedtime, all a whirlwind in clothes not tough enough for the lives they lead or long enough for growing limbs. Tender feelings pushed aside as they die each night to wake up and do it all over again. Looking up to you like somehow you were worthy of their love, but never loving you as much as you love them - greater hearts & spirits than ours.
You love them whom you serve. Love God early & love God long for all the people above. One day you may be one of them – and time rushes by faster as we age. Wonder of wonders & miracle of miracles: our Savior has felt all this and waits at the door to understand us and share our secret sorrows. This is the testimony I kept to myself this sunny Sunday & leave for my children to browse in their own appointed time for figuring out who their father (turned visitor) is.
Paul – 9 April 2006
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Muirhouse Family History Services
Orem, Utah 84097
USA
Phone: (801) 319-2539
Relocated from Springville, Utah in Sept 2006, then from West Jordan, Utah in April 2007.
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